I might throw up

Just strumbled upon the wedding website for my 1st love... It's just so weird. I'm happy he found someone, and I wish them the best, but I still get that sick feeling in my body when I think about it too much. I never felt like we wrapped things up properly, there was unfinished business... But I'm leaving it alone.

The Countdown... T Minus 15 Days!!

I cannot WAIT to go on my trip to the Bahamas... it's killing me! I need to get away from everything ASAP!

Not only have I been compiling a list of all the clothes and stuff I want to bring, I already have some things in my suitcase. I think I'm really excited.

The unluckiest girl alive

I've met some people who, just by turning on the slightest bit of charm, can win over anyone they meet. They make friends quickly, meet potential partners with the greatest of ease, & always wow superiors with a quick chat.

I am not one of these people.

I have spent most of my life trying to prove myself. Always working hard and fighting to get noticed and earn respect from management and coworkers... yet always brushed aside, forgotten, belittled.

Simply "not good enough".

Smart, but always struggling in honors classes. 2nd chair clarinet, never 1st. Men think I'm cute, but not girlfriend material. Good enough to stay in an unrewarding position, and can never quite excel to where I want to be.

I'm stuck. I want a change. I want to meet my goals, exceed them. I want men to take me seriously and i want them to want to get to know the real me.

I want to know I'm good enough.

I'm tired of fighting, I'm ready to reap some rewards from all this bullshit I've had to put up with all my life.

Do I keep trying, or do I accept defeat?

And for no reason...

Blue shirt day.

St. Patty's Day...

was a bust. Wednesday was such a random day at work, by the time the end of the shift came along, I was too tired to even think about drinking and dealing with crowds.

To protest the stereotyping of Irishmen everywhere, I did not wear green. I wore gray. And Green beer is lame.

I got me a Smart Phone...

But does it make me smarter ;)? I got the Droid Eris, and so far, I like it a lot. I really enjoy the touchscreen. It's a lot like the one on my iPod Touch, but slightly jerkier. There are many fun and useful Apps in the Android Market. I particularly like Ringdroid. It's like a mini version of ProTools, so you can edit existing MP3's and 4's on your phone into whatever ringtone you desire. Very addicting!

On the downside, there are fewer namebrand Apps available for Android platform devices than Apple. Despite all the reviews on severe battery drain caused by "awake" Apps, I've found several ways to preserve my battery's strength. First of all, I've conditioned the battery all week by letting it run out all the way, then charging it fully. I also choose to only use my mobile network when away from wi-fi hotspots.

What I really love about this phone, though, is that you can customize the homescreens and all the widgets. I need to make my phone really cute, yo! I found a high quality silicone case, in a pretty aqua color, at the Verizon store. Plus, the sales associate stuck the scratch guard on the screen for me. I find that more frustrating than anything. He did a great job to minimize the bubbles! Thanks, dude!

Watching the Oscars...

While my station airs the Oscars this evening, I, along with the rest of the production team, sit back without much to do. So I'm watching the awards.. but I haven't seen any of the movies.. not even Up! Maybe I'll get to renting them sometime this week. Charlize Theron's dress is a tad too bridal party, with 2 large rosettes covering her busom. I thoroughly enoyed watching the tribute to John Hughes, especially when many of the stars once featured in his films came out on stage to pay their respects. Molly Ringwald AND Ally Sheedy?!?!? What in the world?!! Awesome.

It's Funny, Yo!

Jorge Garcia (Hurley from LOST) and his girlfriend, Beth, host a weekly podcast called, "Geronimo Jacks' Beard". Pretty clever take combining Jack's mountain man beard with the musical stylings of Geronimo Jackson. The podcast features Jorge's view each episode as he and Beth first read the script.

Geronimo Jack's Beard

Angry skin.

Grrr! This is what my skin is telling me... the winter really wrecks havoc on my already pale and dry skin. To top it off, I'm very sensitive to many so-called beneficial products. I pretty much have to stay away from anything from your regular drugstore assortment, and I refuse to pay for ritzy products.

That being said, I have found the best, sensibly priced and effective moisturizer- and no, I'm not getting paid to say this!

Shikai Borage Dry Skin Therapy is available at stores like Whole Foods and Sprouts Farmer's Markets, and the hand therapy runs about $10... the larger bottle of body lotions costs approx. $15.

For folks who are sensitive to other products like me, this is a godsend. Other hand creams literally feel like they're burning through me skin and make me itch so bad, I have to wash it off... but this hand cream actually starts healing the redness and cracking soon after massaging it into my hands and arms.

I suck at this blog thing.

So I guess it's been a couple of months since posting, I feel like such a slacker. So much has happened, yet so little is going on. Confused? So am I.

Been working my butt off at the station, building graphics templates for all the stations in corporate... yet the hub seemed to take all the credit for the work. That discouraged me a lot, but then it's like, well, I still have a job, for the moment. So I'll suck it up.

Had an awesome time this Halloween! Here's my Lady Gaga!

Weird freakin dreams...

The past two nights, I've been having the most bizarro dreams...

I'll start with 2 nights ago. This is what I remember. A crew of explorers and I were attempting to scale down a steep, rocky cliff on Mars. I think we landed on top and were trying to get down in order to start colonizing. We built this crazy community, kinda like Dharmaville, all self-contained. This seemed like some post-apocolyptic rebuilding type of scenario. I wasn't happy though, cause I had to share a home with my brother. In this colony, there was an A&W themed restaurant, but there was a crazy trick-hallway, and if you tripped some kind of alarm, rootbeer would squirt at you from every direction. The next part I remember, I was ice skating through a frozen food aisle at a grocery store.

Last Night... I was playing with my nieces in freshly fallen snow... mind you, we currently live in the Arizona desert, so I don't see a trace of snow unless I'm 3 hours north of the city. The next part I remember, I was at some kind of high school track meet watching a relay race. Sitting in the grass, I was bored out of my mind watching these kids. Someone next to me pointed out that there was a bee burrowing in the grass beside me. I wasn't afraid. Finally... I think it must have been hours later, or it just could have felt that way... let me preface this by explaining that I haven't spoken to my childhood best friend in months, the reason being I don't trust her anymore. She treated me like crap in high school, talking behind my back, leaving me out of parties, dating the guys I had crushes on. So, I've been having recurring dreams about her. In last night's dream, all I remember was her continuously poking at my eyes. It was really messed up.

I think I need to stop eating before I get to sleep... I've also been uber busy with issues at work. I need to release some stress. This calls for a trip to the waterpark!!!

Hot town, summer in the city...

This morning, I dragged my lazy butt out of bed to take in a quick jog around the neighborhood. I tied on my sneakers, strapped on the sports bra (don't laugh, I know I'm not "well endowed"), plugged in the old iPod, and away I went. After sprinting across the parking lot, I suddenly realized that I was already out of breath. "What gives?" I thought. Then it dawned on me... it's frekain summer, I live in Phoenix, and it's already 10am. That meant that temperature had to already be near 100 degrees.
Trying to ignore the disgusting sun, I managed to switch between short sprints and power walking while making it through 5 songs... give or take 3 min. per song, that means I took in roughly 15 minutes of cardio. That's plenty for a Sunday morning.

Oy Vey

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had a job that actually let me have holidays off.

I don't even think I remember the last time I was able to go to a Memorial Day BBQ.

Then, I also think about being to work 9-5 and make wages I can live on. Dare to dream.

Just when you thought things were looking up.

Everyone knows that for at least half a year, the country's been in a recession... The stocks continue to fluctuate daily, real estate sales are only starting to inch up, and the shovel-ready jobs Obama "promised" haven't exactly materialized yet. Interesting.
Sure, just like everyone else, I've been monitoring my spending and setting a little extra aside in order to prepare for the worst. I may not be a millionaire, but I have a pretty good job with benefits, and I consider myself to feel lucky to be in a comfortable position. But the broadcasting industry is starting to really feel the effects of a down economy. Since businesses are not spending as much for advertising, we're not taking in as much money from the sales of our "air". While we haven't seen any layoffs... yet... about 2 months ago, corporate decided to eliminate pension benefits for all unvested employees. Strike 1. Then last Friday, they decided to hand down "mandatory time off"... which essentially is a fancy word for a work furlough.
Unlike other businesses, that are forcing its employees to take off a week of work at once, without pay, my company is spreading out the "pay reductions" for a month period. It won't be a direct blow to the bank account... just a few slaps against the face.
I'm still trying to look on the bright side, but I don't think all the worrying is over with yet. The year's not even half over yet, so anything can happen in the next 6 months. Hopefully, strike 3 won't be layoffs. I'll be saying my prayers nightly, you can be sure.

Not feeling well

Why do I bother waking up in the morning. So lonely, I have these friends who I don't even feel like I can talk to. I don't think they care. Everyone's too busy. Has other things. I just want to say hi. Maybe grab a coffee, see a movie. Nope, too busy. On weekends, my phone doesn't ring. I feel safer inside my house, alone, in the dark. No one to tell me I'm not funny enough, not pretty enough, not worth enough to spend time on.This must be what's wrong with me. I'm just not good enough.

Rejoining the Land of the Living

After 2 1/2 years of living like a vampire and rising in the night's shadows, I'm finally working a better shuft at work. Even though I'll be working til 10:30 everynight, I get to go out and enjoy the rest of my 20's!! Wow! I don't have to go to bed at 7:00! Really! Plus, I have some real responsibility and people actually listen to me. This is truly a breakthrough.
I better go take a shower.

Oh...

In less than two weeks, the 3rd season of Lost will FINALLY be available on DVD!!! Although I already have all the episodes via iTunes, I'm super excited to listen to the commentaries and see what kind of extras they've included. Plus, the countdown is also on for Season 4 to begin- in February. Still, it's getting closer!!! And it should be AMAZING!

Prepare Yourself... it's... BLACK FRIDAY

Just when the whole country is fightin' mad over the war, the economy, gas prices and anything the President does... they still find time to stand in line overnight to buy a $900 Plasma TV. Maybe a priority check here? While mny other people got to spend this Friday after Thanksgiving enjoying a day off, I had to arrive at work at 4am, like every other day, to help brodcast the news... yet the only thing my station, along with the other Phoenix TV stations, decided to talk about was maniacal shoppers. Black Friday is very important to our economy, since businesses need to get in the black before the end of the year, but it really is insane. Many of the shoppers we featured on this morning's news slept in line over night, THANKSGIVING night, instead of spending time with family, to buy unnecessary crap... not only for their family and friends, but mostly for themselves! Gas prices didn't deter moms from driving between malls and other stores to find that $249 Wii for little Jimmy. The next time I hear anyone bitching about the above mentioned topics, I'll urge them to look at their own behavior and think about the hypocrisy of it all. But that's the beauty of living in a free country, you can be as selfish as you want regardless of political affiliation.

Tuesday...

Tuesdays are generally not very notable... the 2nd day of the week, yet much better than Monday. Well, this morning, I found out that today's my 2nd to last morning that I have to work! Yes, that's right, I'm finally going to nights. I'll be working from Sunday to Thursday, making a pretty darn nice weekend for myself.
This day is a little better than the rest... so far! Daybreak hasn't even started yet!

The Reservations!

So it's been set! I've secured my days off from work. Booked the flight on US Airways for $0 courtesy my father :) the business traveller (who's accumulated a ridiculous amount of frequent flyer miles).
I'm not sure I'm prepared for the 15+ hour flight from Phoenix TO Paris. I have 1 connecting flight in Philadelphia, but at least that lets me get out of the pane and stretch out a bit. I'll bring a book, my iPod, bien sur, plenty of magazines, Sudoku, etc. And earplugs. Luckily, I got to pick a pretty good seat on the plane on an aisle. If I can't strectch out, I may lose it!
Most importantly, I've booked my hotel! I took advantage of TripAdvisor.com and Budget Travel for expert and regular old travellers' reccomendations. I wanted to stay away from the chain hotels. The one I experienced in Paris, Ibis, on my tour in '97, was TERRIBLE. Really. It was worse than my freshman dormroom, yet very similar, too. The room was tiny, with cheap plastic modular furniture, including a bunk bed. My friends and I were extremely disappointed to see that room after the long flight.
I found a plethora of affordable, family-run hotels in France, all with user-friendly, well-designed websites. I decided on Grand Hotel Leveque in the 7th Arrondissement. It's a small hotel that's said to be cozy, but nice, with all the modern conveniences, like bathroom w/ shower (not always a guarantee in Europe), flat screen TV, 24 hr computer/ printer and in room internet connection. But how long will I actually stay in the room? Not too long, right? So, the best part of Leveque is its location on Rue Cler. Travel expert Rick Steves has called this street one of the best markets in Paris, with a number of lovely cafes and shops, butcher, bakery, florist, post office, grocery store, drug store, right there. But of all, the area's frequented by normal Parisians who go about their daily routine.
The neighborhood of Rue Cler is situated near a subway station and is within walking distance of the Eiffel Tower, the best-known Parisian monument.